Ethylene and Plant Development.

yay! the quarter is coming to and end and i cant wait till christmas.
i cant believe it! i mean. its a little too late to realize now...but im really really in college..like..its actually going by. xD i want to be doing better in my classes but i suppose ill have to settle with what i have right now, which isnt so bad i guess.
the other thing is that..im not so sure what i want to do with my life. sure, i want to do something relating to environmental science..but what?? toxicology sounds inviting, but there must be more out there. i want to know all that i can choose from before i make a decision.

*#(*!(*$(*!#(*!%@&^# what ever for now.

so yes. i cant wait to see everyone back at home. i cant wait for some catching up, some partying, eatting out, panda time.
and before i know it, the next quarter approaches. ><><

i should really get around to completing my research paper. ive been procratinating all day long. stupid ethylene and its effect on plant development. hence the title xD looked around and that was the first thing i saw. how convienent.
okok the end. i shall go finish my essay.

rant.

people need to chill. so i was biking back from my horticulture class. i was already at the side of the rode, for any car to pass me if they needed to. plus, there was pleanty of room for the both of us. this stupid truck almost swearved into me. i was to his right, and he was making a left turn. as a result, i biked into the bushes, or whatever it was that happened to be there. maybe he didnt see me yeh? no. impossible. he looked out his rear view mirror and directly into my eyes. he saw me alright. and not even a sorry. maybe it was my misconception, but if there was not enough room in the first place, why would you want to drive so close to a biker anyway. pwee thats ok. i got over it.

and there are these stupid bikers. when you obviously see that there is no room, please dont try to speed up past the person in front of you? what does it prove? this morning. the girl sped up ahead of this guy but her turn was coming up. because she sped up, the guy is now in his way. i was minding my own business, but in her attempt to turn on time, she almost ran into me as well. and another thing. does it hurt to slow down for people? be courteous. gosh. and the slow bikers, bike to the side. dont take up the whole lane. you may not be in a rush, but others have places to get to.

now that this is out there, i can peacefully review for my toxicology exam

Davis

Its nice here in Davis and I'm glad its not as hot during this time of the season. When i first moved in, it felt so different. im finally in college and will be living away from my parents, but once i walked outside and see everyone else, it feels like high school again. im getting used to things around here quicker than i thought i would. except for the fact that i might never get used to the roads here and would probably get lost throughout the entire year.

and speaking of being away from home, im a LITTLE homesick. i miss my room and it aggitates me once in a while that i dont have much of my clothes here. hopefully its going to all be here by the end of this week. and of course. i miss my macmac.

our dorm. its actually kept quite neatly at this time of the year. im not so sure i can say the same later in the year. we're probably going to have loads of work, textbooks and papers. i bet before anyone, diem's going to have her stuff al over the floor and room. lol i have a feeling that im going to get messy as well. i sleep on the top bunk so its a little harder to fix my bed every morning. i might be so out of it that not fixing my bed will become a habit. i wonder how the school year will turn out. i have diem anh and diana with me. so as long as im not alone i guess it wont be that bad lol. this is going to be interesting.

moment of silence

i'll take some of my time here to commemorate those who were unfortuate to have lost their lives in the 911 plight.

moment of silence....

wow. woah. yesssskis!

thursday morning, yet bored again with nothing to do. sitting around till its time for me to meet up with my girls later on. anywho.


it happened. i didnt think that things would take its course so quickly after my previous one. if you know what im talking about. i was left the impression that a lot of guys are stupid fags, more or less. i was surprised when he came along. he complimented me when i was at my worst. encouraged me to be myself. cared when i was sick. and even before anything was confirmed and we only called ourselves ordinary people, he reasured me and left me little room to hesitate. in a matter of three months, he was already able to prove himself above and beyond the male species. LOL...is he beginning to sound godly? ok. so maybe not the last point i made, but i cherish him all the same, flaws and all. ahaha. i dont want to sound too deep or cliche here. just to avoid being seen as an overly sentimental girl, which i am not xD, i will wrap it up here.

im so happy.

swimming in the time of temescal

reading diem's blog about swimming makes me want to write about it. and the title of my post. i dont know, but i think its ingenious. ok...maybe its a little weird.

my experience with temescal pool has been a memorable one. in the beginning of freahman year, i never even thought about swimming till anh and diem dragged me to practice. this lady who promised to show up every friday to teach us how to swim never showed up. Bover-macho was an integral factor to me learning how to swim. Because he had the guts to push me into the 13 ft deep side of the pool, i became comfortable with the water. how dare he though! i had no idea how to tread back then, he must have been high.
And then, there's Coach Perry. That punk. he left us right before our senior year. He couldnt even stayed for that one last year. Nevertheless, he has left many good memories with the team. We love to tease him about his loud voice and constant bragging; not to mention his horid vietnamese accent. We used to say that, when you swim, you can count on hearing Perry yell through his blow horn if not anything else. I miss that. And how he used to threaten to step on our fingers if we ever held on to the wall. I miss how diem and i used to cheat on our laps. how perry used to make us sprint. i loved the kick boards. Perry made me feel good about myself. he would give everyone in the pool a 10 second head start and grant me the honor of creaming everyone. i dont think i can do that any more since ive been out of the pool for so long. I miss swim meets and swimming competatively. the adrenaline rush and how nervous we used to be waiting for our event. and all the memories of training in all types of weather: rain, hail, thunder. i really miss it. i remember everyone running out of the pool after the sound of thunder this once. it was quite funny. it all paid off bc we won the OALs my junior year and was appointed varsity girls team captain alongside Zora. but Perry left and ruined us. at least i thought so. Punk.

but what ever. I LOVED THE OT SWIM TEAM! and i want to get back into the pool!

but anyway. ive been REALLY bored lately, so since i was actually home instead of my grandmothers today, i took the time too look for things i need to bring to davis. turns out i have extras of everything now. didnt need to spend the money. i went down to my basement to look for my luggage and i ran into this bike. why didnt anyone tell me i had a bike down there? so i lugged it out of my basement. my very very crowed basement. with my muscles. yeh? lol and i tried to get on. i cant believe it. i forgot how to get on a bike. it look me a very long while to figure it out and when i got on i didnt get to far before i ran into the branches of my apple tree. miraculously, i didnt get hurt and managed to fall off in a fashionable manner while my neighbors watched on....how embarrassing! i didnt get much done today. what a bummer.

to walk with purpose

this is who i am. a coward. sometimes i wish i wasnt so easily swayed to believe things. i wish i didnt have so much doubt in myself. to stop being so indecisive about everything and just learn to be a little more confident in the things i do. i want to walk around with a little more purpose and pride. to stop being a follower all the time. i dont want to be so reserved anymore, but its so hard to break out of it.

the east coast stole my friends.

yes. i finally know what our previous seniors felt when they said that the east coast took all their friends away. anna's leaving in a few minutes as im writing this post, and would have probably took fight by the time im done.

im going to miss that girl. and her motor mouth. i know we tease her about it, but it helped fill in the silence sometimes. and other times, i think its silent because we're amazed by how much someone can say to herself. and i will have to bring up ur unique style and incredibly attractive way of indulging meals. believe it or not, im going to miss it because now that you are gone, who am i going to pick on at the table? lol. your frantic stabbing of mac and cheese during Harris's fourth period class. messy notes you scribble on my work when i ask you to help me in AP Calculus, ones i can never erase completely. your constant led breaking, and that occasionally pops in my face. the way you love to smear carmex all over your face. and various other habits we pick on you for. we really do love you anna. you see, all these silly habits aren't so bad after all because now you know that we will definately remember you. be safe anna! take care of yourself and see you in stikcam!

aiyaya. its almost time for me to embark on this journey we call college. but seriously, i dont think my indifference about Davis is a good sign. Davis wasnt one of the schools i thought about attending initially since it didnt really have what i want there. yes i know. how can i say that before i've even tested it out, but its a little discouraging. its scary not knowing what i want in college, an yes, i also know that there are bajillions of other students out there in the same situation. After orientation, i learned to appreciate the school a bit more. i love the environment there, but still the indifference remains. hopefully, my time there will help change this.

ps. pardon my terrible grammar and punctuation. i tend to add a period after everything and where they dont belong. xD

it happened so quickly

i was lucky enough to be allowed to see pat off at the airport. i didnt think my parents would've let me out.

so it happened. just like that. i feel like im the newest addition to PANDA a lot of the times because i find myself not being able to "click" as well as the others. so patricia, even though we didnt get to be as close as i would have hoped, im nonetheless attached to you. i know that you are a PANDA and you would have my back if anything were to come up. i hope you know that it applies to me as well, and that i will be here if you need a shoulder to lean on. im so proud of you. i get to brag about you. i mean, how many other people out there have friends in harvard. i have a total of four now! lol. amily, pat, anna, and mari.

so in my previous blog, i said i wanted a movie ending. it has been fulfilled. Anh and i ran through the airport to make it to pat in time. im my head, im thinking, lets laugh these last few minutes off. so we were acting like a group of maniacs. this old white man thought we were high on something, and this other guy almost freaked out because one of us appeared to be wanting to steal his luggage. o.O then pat had to leave through the saecurity check point. we cant accompany her any further. we watched her walk to her terminal and it was quite depressing, just like the movies. but its a matter of time when pat comes back for christmas, and before we know it, it will be here! i can't wait. i hope you liked the video we recorded for you =] we tricked you! lol. we never got to do the panda line-up. but ill let you know that we'll do it when you come back for sure.

even though our summer is particularily longer than many students, its coming to an end so quickly. im really excited, but its a little intimidating. my advisor said something about highschool being a little pond and we being the bigger fishes compared to the rest. and now in college, we're in a bigger pond filled only filled with big fishes. im not sure i make sense, but it made complete sense when my advisor said it. lol. so i guess what i meant to say is that college is intimidating. i dont feel up to par with everyone else. i hope i'll survive.

a nice conclusion

i realize that, sadly, i was unable to spend a lot of time with my friends who have already left for college, or in Zz's case israel. its unfortunate. i wasnt able to say a proper goodbye before they left to college for their very first time. i have to make sure that i get to spend some time with them once they come back for break.

but the point of this blog is to further establish that we need to say a proper "goodbye, see you later" with my PANDA girls. you girls are not allowed to just hop on the plane [w/e ur form of transportation you may be taking] and leave Oakland behind. we have to make sure we do something special. im confident that this is already in the back of every PANDA's mind, but i feel like i need to bring it up to everyone's immediate attention. knowing that we've been having trouble this entire summer getting everyone together, i want to put in the extra effort. this is all happening too soon. like anna said, we're growing up. we're headed towards our own directions. we are separated, but we're still together. i want our departure to happen beautifully yeh? like the movies. I LOVE YOU PANDA!

psst. it would be nice if i had two beautiful conclusions xD

in need of company

i was literally rotting away these past few days. sitting at home doing nothing.

except for those few hours. =]

i dont think i had many chances to hang out with just my girls. soon we're going to be heading our seperate ways, and who knows when will be the next time we'll see each other. especially now that i'm helping out at a pediatric dental office, it takes away more of my time. people are getting to spend time with each other while im stuck in a stinking office. and whats better than to start a morning off with screaming kids and that disgusting smell of cleaning solutions. suck it up bee, suck it up.
i want to call up some people and have them keep me company while i work. but seriously, who would want to.
its only been the weekend and i feel like i havent seen my friends for the longest of times. i miss anhla and nuggy terribly since i havent seen them for an entire week bc we pretty much hung out every single day for the last two months...and now we're not! i cant do much about it but complain, so whenever you happen to find youtself bored at home, come talk to me on aim xD

august rush

the title came out of no where really. its august. and it reminds me of the movie i watched xD

this blog spot reminds me of xanga. minus the pictures and music. or maybe this blogspot has such functions, i would have to find out later. it also reminds me of the popular style we used to write in. it was crazy, consisting of random capitalization, numbers and weird spelling. its kind of embarrassing reading my xanga entires. they consisted of nothing but normal everyday events like waking up, going to class and what not. they were pointless blogs. quite silly. i keep a diary and my previous volumes pretty much resemble my xanga entries. but im glad to say that they have grown to be something more meaningful. will i be blogging on here often? who knows? this is a public domain. and i would have to risk recieving hurtful comments.

something that has been at the back of my mind all summer.
him
and all the things he's done to me.

i really shouldn't hold on to such pety things. but how can i not? they are like ugly warts that refuses to go away, and when they do, they leave unwanted scars. im not supposed to remember. its supposed to be gone. but its impossible not to think about it. i forgave him, but i never forgot. he is such a jerk to say the least. he was controlling, demanding, insensitive, and egotistical. i seriously believed for a while that the world has to revolve around him. but then i realize. hey. im my own person. how can i let him play with my feelings like that, telling me to give him time so he can reconsider giving me another chance. and then right at my breaking point. when i wanted to call it quits. he pulled me back. his apology did not even begin to start healing me. he never did anything to prove that he was truely sorry for what he did, and it continued to bother me throughout the second half of our relationship. why did i have to take his second chance? what have i done wrong for him to consider giving me a second chance? bc i really believed that there was something there i guess. it was ridiculous. i tried really hard to sustain the relationship, but it was fruitless. hes constantly mad at me for one reason or another. hes not dumb either, he realizes that all we do is argue, so why dont you do something about ur frikkin temper. there were good memories i admit. but not enough to make up for my hurt.

the point is. i ended it. i stood up for myself. whatever he does now is none of my business. but i cant let it go. i want to let it go! im trying so hard not to hate him, he knows too much about me. but its slowly eating me up inside. its annoying me to the the point of no return. i want to hate him forever...do something that would measure up. but no. whats the use. im really not that violent, i promise. i just have my moments xD. BUT i've found a potential candidate. things are at a smooth sail and i feel like im living a fairy tale.

so it shouldnt bother me. i wont let it.